Thursday, April 30, 2015

Today-liberated me



When I woke up this morning ,I felt better...much lighter..and like any other usual morning my mind was up and It had already made a to-do list for the day ahead, and was in a planning mode, on the execution, while I was still wrapped up in my sheets...Even though my Mind was already on the working mode, body was not ready to get up and get going, it was asking for a snooze button, for 5 more minutes...so i listened to my body.

My thoughts drifted to my last night's post, "feeling lost", I know it was all complains...but then again, i have to be honest to my space here...it has to be real me, and I must confess I too have my weak moments...i too go down hill some days...become too self centered at times... but then It's not in my fiber to be like that for long...I vent out, I complain and I move on...

 I am learning, learning to have a bigger heart...learning to accept things gracefully, learning to let go easily..to not focus on "I" all the time, rather on "us", it's like playing Hopscotch square, You hop from square to square tossing the stone without touching the boundaries and if you do so, you are out, you loose it...

Similarly At times you lose your patience while dealing with day to day issues and when you do so, you break down, but then you should not stop just there, you should try again, yearn for a better performance next time without losing your patience!!

That's me...honest me...and today -liberated me :)


28/365



28/365

Teething troubles, poor bunny (Handmade by momma) has to pay the price :)



Wednesday, April 29, 2015

Lost- Just like that!!



Today, I feel lost,  like an ordinary singleton draped in fabric of restlessness, dyed in the shade of deep pretence, woven with so many insecurities, stitched with anxiety…that’s my garb today …and the predicament is such that I cannot take this garb off me, because that will make me vulnerable , make me a subject of talk, bone of contention.

I feel like as if I am wearing a crown of drudgery, crown of sadness, of unseen fears which is making my head heavy and my judgement clouded…

 There is this palpable tenderness in my heart… It’s choked up with too many why’s …



And today I lack the mettle to counter these why’s??  I am tired, I am so lost !!


27/365



27/365


Tuesday, April 28, 2015

26/365




26/365

You are walking pretty good now, also waving Bye-bye and today when Josna aunty was leaving for home, she blew a kiss to you and guess what, you did the same gesture of blowing a kiss back to her :), we were so surprised, you actually did it!! that tells me, you like your Josna aunty ;)




If I were Kalidas....



If I were kalidas, I would have written Ratridutaa instead of Meghaduta :), requesting the “Night messenger” to pass my messages to the sleep…and it would be something like this:

Oh, beloved night, you came to me riding the wings of an owl…. please pass my messages to my sleep… that roams away in the wilderness and waylays and has sought solace in being away from me!!


I miss you dearly… I am waiting for you with so many dreams in my eyes, dreams of love, and dreams of hope!!

That I am wide awake from such a long time waiting for you to shower the drops of hypnosis, so that it washes away my tiredness…

Fill my eyes with your ever lasting memory,  I am waiting for that rare moment…one that I am aching for , pining for, for I cannot bear the separation anymore.

I have long forgotten your melody, and I try to make a new one every night, in hope that it may sound pleasing to you and may be you will be pulled towards me, I will play the "Chitra veena", and even sing the "Revati Raga", may be the melody will draw you closer to me...

 I will not hold you for long, I will put off the lamps once you come and I promise to let you go as soon as the sun comes out riding its chariot driven by 7 horses… !!

Oh, beloved night, for once,  please carry these messages secretly, with utmost care and pass them to my long lost sleep…







Saturday, April 25, 2015

Friday, April 24, 2015

Restless like an ever flowing river!!



Lately I have been feeling as if my body is like an abandoned temple...as if I have left it and moved on...I don't pay any attention to it...I don't stop for a while...close my eyes, chant some prayers, I don't light up a lamp, or any incense to thank it!! I am so lost...so lost that sometimes I feel that my life is a selflessly flowing river...charting it's own course...bending when it's needed, bifurcating when required... overcoming every barrier... not stopping, not resting , just flowing day and night...!!


And because of not resting, I have been experiencing this sharp persistent pain in my legs!! As if they are trying to tell me something, trying to bring my attention to them...pleading for some rest, telling me that I am not being fair...crying out loud!! I think I have restless legs syndrome...Its not that I am gravitating towards this weirdly funny name but some of the symptoms are there...night pain, sleeplessness and all...treatment is relaxation, massage, sticking to a sleep schedule...well I am not sure whether I can do all this or not...why?? because I am like a river...not stopping, not resting , just flowing day and night...!!

Isn't it strange...you don't understand life completely, or even remotely, but you still love it, well I do...it's like being in a "havan" a ritual in which offerings are made into the holy fire while sacred chants are recited by the learned holy men...who tend to know more about life and it's complexities than you do, or they pretend to know...you don't understand a thing...the meaning of the chants...people tell you it's to be performed in a particular way because it is described so in the vedas.. when you ask why??, they have no answer to it...or they try to convince you by justifying certain  things...sometimes you take that ..and sometimes you don't...but you like it...the kindling of the sacred fire, it's warmth, you like the scent of the herbs, aroma emanating from the fire...you like the resonance, the echo of the sacred chants...it stirs something deep inside you...and you like being a part of it...you feel moved!!

that's life...



22/365




22/365

Happy Happy :)


Tuesday, April 21, 2015

19/365 and a get together!!


19/365





 At home with a new friend Josna and her adorable daughter Jovita… we met a couple of day ago in the park...Conversation flowed between us…we exchanged numbers… and the effortless thread of communication started … and now we are friends!!

We chatted about the motherhood, about our past and the future while the duo was busy playing, raising a racket …  Vihaan was happy in company of fellow playmate "Jovita" and he also liked the gift (The beautiful butterfly teething ring).


 It was a refreshing meeting for both of us… we enjoyed and cherished the fleeting moments, the little yet mellow time together.













Sleepless



Me and my sleep…each night we chase each other, We play Hide-and-go-seek where in I am always the "it", closing my eyes and counting while the sleep hides away.

sometimes like the lovers passionately in love…while I try to serenade my sleep, singing the sweet nothings, though it teases me…pretends to comes close enough to kiss me on the eyes and then just a peck and its gone…

Sometimes like the enemies…while I lay a trap so that it falls and fills the deep cavity of my eyes… it flies away leaving me wide awake and then I curse it… I pray for summer solstice to stay forever, when the days are longest and the nights are shortest.


That's me- sleepless!!





Image source -Canva, free image edited in Canva.

Monday, April 20, 2015

18/365




18/365


My starry-links prince...

we were playing this game of Queen and prince, I being the Queen and you being the prince, I made this crown out of the blocks and placed it on your head...you some how liked it a lot... and insisted I do it over and over again!! 


outside the hot and humid winds seem to be enveloping everything...  whipping and lashing us around... indoors you lie around in minimal clothing, drinking plenty of fluids..

Sunday, April 19, 2015

Saturday, April 18, 2015

Our day today - From :( to :)



We had been thinking of buying a new couch for our living room from quiet sometime and finally after going through a lot of mental work...and checking almost every third online furniture website, we ordered a couch through Snapdeal 2 weeks ago and were expecting the delivery today and guess what instead of couch, those guys dropped us a spoiler mail stating that the product can't be delivered , it's out of stock...blah blah!... that was it...we were disappointed, sad and angry...I mean who does that?? the annoying part was that it is still showing in their website as "in stock" so that tells us that their service is just bad...bad...bad...!!!

so what to do next...then we finally purchased another couch from Pepperfry...it's beautiful, much more gracious than the snapdeal one :) it will be delivered by next weekend...  

 This is sad part of story :(


now coming to the other part-

I was totally irked with the clothes designs for the young boys in the market...I mean we have so many options, designs for girls out there in terms of clothing but when it comes to boys...just those Ho-hum shirts, tees, pants and all...nothing new...come-on...don't boys have a right to dress up differently..can't we have something unique , more in the clothing for them :(

That was it!!  I thought of buying the cut fabric and getting something stitched for vihaan...something other than the "flat as a pancake" type of design... after a  lot of internet search I chose an online store Itokri...they have a wide range of cut fabric collection...

I ordered a hand screen printed cotton fabric...and insisted that they deliver it to me as soon as possible so that i can get two shirts stitched....one for Akash and one for Vihaan...{By the way I intend to do a photo shoot...Two guys will look dashing in the similar fabric!!} and to my surprise it was delivered today, in the evening, much sooner than expected date...inside the package was a beautiful note for me from the Itokri team...and a surprise gift as well...it was not the gift or the note that cheered me up but the gesture that seemed to be genuine and really sweet!! that's the real customer service, the wow factor!! 



This is happy part of the story :)

I am thankful to God...for ending my day with thought that good still exists...that there is still goodness around...that god cares for us and is watching over us all the time.


I will be doing a photo shoot of my handsome duo once the shirts get stitched!! eagerly waiting...









16/365



16/365

You have become a lot more fussier than usual...probably because of teething troubles...I guess we would have to bear all this biting, gnawing, food refusal, and drooling till the time all your 20 primary teeth erupt.



Friday, April 17, 2015

Working space & a story


It has been a while since I have had my own little space for working, I really missed the comfort and feel of it, so yesterday sneaking a little time out of my busy schedule, I created one for me...

and I had a chance to take out an old Philips Radio gifted by my dad...I know its bit odd to keep a radio in this tech age where you get to listen to all your fav numbers by just one click but I am bit different, bit weird in my own way...I still love radio, My liking for it dates back to the yesteryear's when I was just a little girl...each night I would get scared by the thought of sleeping alone in my room...although in front of my parents I would pretend to be okay with it... but my dad knew...he knew that I was lying...that i was terrified....so one night my dad came up to me with a radio and told me that I should listen to it till I feel sleepy and that might help a little and it actually did!! I felt lot better !! that's the story behind this love for my radio...it reminds me of my dad..his caring, his being around...









15/365



15/365

Happiness is timely delivery of New toys :) 

And yes another milestone achieved...you are walking now.. Yippee!! You trying to balance while walking, you take few steps and then stumble down.








Around here



Around here...

 I feel little woozy, ever since we returned from Jammu, Vihaan has become even more clingy...I guess he thinks that people disappear just like that...he had a lot of folks around in Jammu and the overnight change has left him bit confused...may be that's why he wants me to be around him all the time...may be he thinks that I too will disappear!! and this leaves me even more exhausted by the end of the day!!


**************

I seem to be losing my calm easily...I feel like a kite soaring higher in the unknown territories...and i fear!! I fear what if the thread is weak...what if wind blows me away..what if I get caught up in the branches of a tall tree...what if I fell to the ground...will I be able to fly again!! 



**************

Nights!! they are as usual...sleepless!! I would love if "Ratri" "The sleep goddess" would come and pay me a visit at night... I would hold her...hug her tight...if I knew how to...I would invoke, summon her through the hymns...I would offer her ghee laddu's, and lit a lamp in her honor every night!!